


even if it’s fake

by beanieboyj



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Semi Slow Burn, Songfic, Swearing, laps lock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 10:30:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14809661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beanieboyj/pseuds/beanieboyj
Summary: changbin needed felix to stay.(based on blackbear’s idfc)





	even if it’s fake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sab!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sab%21).



> i’ve been practicing writing angst so if it sucks please tell me so i can go back oto writing fluff!

**_(tell me pretty lies; tell me that you love me even if it’s fake)_ **

changbin would’ve gone down on his knees if the latter wanted him too. an annoyed glint in felix’s eyes made changbin crumble even more but he still held onto his wrists, “felix please stay”  
he took a bold step forward, his lips ghosting over felix’s plump ones.

“stay one more night, if you ever loved me then you would”  
the latter looked down on changbin’s lips before quickly meeting his eyes.  
those brown eyes that changbin has drank himself in like he drank his coffee every morning, those eyes that saw him bare from head to toe, those eyes that were staring at him with a type of gaze he couldn’t comprehend.

“it’s not that i don’t love you anymore” he breathed out, stepping even more closer. he could feel the younger’s hot breath on his ear.  
his fingers grabbed felix’s shirt, pulling him closer so they were forehead to forehead.  
“then don’t fucking leave”  
his voice cracked and so did the dam in his eyes- “goddamn it changbin”  
felix cupped his cheeks, “if you stay, i’ll make you the happiest person alive. that i promise”  
his grip on felix shirt tightened-  
“if you still love me then don’t fucking walk out the door and-“

_“i’m staying”_

he finally collapsed into felix’s arms, burying his head on felix’s chest sobbing out everything he held in. the latter held him closer, muttering apologies and i love yous over and over again.  
changbin then kissed him over and over again sloppy, wet and needy making felix chuckle against his lips before capturing his lips securely on his-  
and they fit perfectly like strawberries and chocolates, the bitter and sweetness fused together into a feel of bliss and comfort.  
felix was meant for him, he thought as the the latter pinned him onto the nearest wall to bloom strawberries all across his neck and down.

—felix’s fingers traced the curves and corners on changbin’s face, smiling when changbin nuzzled closer into his chest. he held the him in his arms so they were pressed chest to chest.  
“changbin”  
no reply.  
“changbin do you love me?”  
it was silent once again.  
felix closed his eyes tightly, praying changbin would suddenly wake up to reassure him that he was head over heels for felix but he didn’t- he was there sleeping soundly on his chest with a soft smile of his lips.  
“good night then changbin”—

 

**_(you’ve been out all night; stumbling all your words not making any sense)_ **

 

“changbin?”  
“felix- ah”  
he stumbled into the younger’s arms before securely wrapping his fingers around felix’s shoulders.  
changbin was drunk, his legs couldn’t and wouldn’t work even and his vision was hazy and he couldn’t met the younger’s gaze.  
felix muttered something under his breath but changbin couldn’t make it out, he just lazily nodded in reply letting felix carry him into their shared room.

“why did you wait for me?” he slurred, his skin was burning from the sudden heat from felix’s touch.  
the younger chuckled, gently settling down changbin on the bed before tossing the latter a sweater he could slip into. he quickly pecked the top of his head before telling him that he was going to bring a cup of water.  
changbin pulled of his shirt then slipping in the sweater that was two sizes bigger than him, he breathed in the fresh scent of apples and honey (read as felix) sighing contently. he swung his legs on the bed and into the sheets pulling the cloth up to his chest- “hey”  
changbin grinned lazily as felix walked in with a glass of water, he slipped next to changbin before helping the older by holding the cup against his lips. felix kissed his cheek as changbin muttered a messy thank you-

“i was worried”  
changbin pouted, his hands settled on felix’s chest and his head was rested on his shoulders.  
“you shouldn’t. i’ll always- always come home”  
changbin fluttered then his eyes shut, muttering a gentle good night under his breath.

 

—when felix was sure the older was asleep, he leaned shuffled around until he was free to cup both of changbin’s cheeks in his palms. he studied his features, refined and sharp unlike his words which were blunt and straight forward. there was an unanswered question and felix was glad changbin didn’t press him to reply. the question echoed in felix’s head, he never thought it through why he would spend his nights sleepless to wait for changbin to come home every night. sometimes he came home angry and kept pushing felix away, he could also come home clingy and he’d want felix to be stuck on his side and if felix was lucky changbin would come stumbling drunk, the only time he felt that changbin woulf give him affection not because he was scared to be alone.  
_“i wait for you hoping you’d truly love me”_ he whispered, fingers threading through the older’s dark hair. the air con hummed in reply and felix decided the silence was the answer he needed.—

 

**_(i’m only a fool for you; maybe you’re too good for me)_ **

 

“you and felix good?”  
changbin shifted his gaze from his recording gear to chan before quickly focusing on the machine again.  
“that’s sudden” he replied bluntly.  
chan chuckled before slipping into the recording room.  
“he doesn’t mind you going home late like almost every day”  
he settled into the room, arranging the sheets of paper neatly in front of him.  
“he always waits up so i goes he doesn’t mind”  
chan formed an ‘o’ with his lips whilst he slipped on head phones.  
“im ready when you are” changbin told him. chan flashed him a thumbs up in reply.  
“1, 2, 3 aaand go”

 

chan has been giving him looks ever since the question, he ignored the looks at first but his curiosity bothered him.  
“is there anything wrong”  
he finally asked, his voice broke the silence that drowned their studio.  
“don’t get made at me for asking okay” his tone was careful and slow- “alright”  
chan leaned forward on his chair so they were eye to eye.  
“do you really love him?”  
changbin’s eyes widen at the question, “what do you mean”  
his fingers fiddled with the hem of felix’s sweater breaking eye contact with chan.  
“you’re not with him because you’re afraid to be alone right”  
“of course not. he’s everything i’ve ever dreamed of. oh god that was so cheesy but im serious”  
he chucked under his breath, cheeks tinted red from the cold and the thought of felix.  
chan opened his mouth to say something but he quickly shut it and smiled sleepily at the younger.  
“that’s good then” but there was a tunt of worry on his tone but it was late and changbin decided he heard it wrong.

 

—“you’re not as bright as usual lix” chan looked at him worriedly as he took a sip on his coffee.  
“ah i’ve been sleeping late thats all” he said nonchalantly, turning his back from chan to make the next order.  
“stop lying, i know you” his tone was serious and he knew that he wasn’t going to back away from the situation easily but at the same time he couldn’t lock up everything he’s feeling.  
“i don’t think changbin loves me” he whispered but loud enough so chan could here him.  
“i think he’s just afraid to be alone”  
he put in two spoons of sugar into the coffee before mixing it together- “but i can’t leave-“  
“because you love him”  
felix gave chan a sad smile before continuing to finish up orders.  
“you can’t stay forever”  
“but i cant leave either, trust me i’ve tried”  
his tone was bitter unlike the smile plastered on his face.  
_“you’re too good for him”_  
felix just shrugged before focusing on a customer who was about to make their order. chan silently watched as felix forced out his signature bright smile and happy tone. he sighed remorsefully before leaving a tip on the counter and heading home—

****

**_(because i have hella feelings for you; i’m so fucking scared)_ **

 

“changbin we need to talk”  
the older groaned as he plopped down on the sofa before turning on his laptop.  
“not in the mood felix” his tone was sharp and felix could’ve back down but he was determined.  
“no changbin listen”  
he took the laptop from his lap, shutting is close and putting it in it’s case.  
“do you love me” he breathed out, kneeling in front of changbin and hands pressed on the older’s knees.  
“what?” he spluttered out confused.  
“do you fucking love me changbin”  
“of course i do felix, what the hell is going on”  
“say it, tell me you love me” his grip on changbin’s knees tightened.  
“never have you told me you do i want to hear it once”  
changbin stayed silent, he looks scared and lost.  
“i’m gonna pack up”  
he briskly stood up and quickly walked into their shared room before taking each and every piece of clothing he owned into his suitcase.  
“where are you going”  
“to hyunjin’s”  
“you’ve been hanging a lot with him huh?” his tone was sarcastic and it felix finally snapped.  
“don’t make this about me changbin. never have i ever cheated on you or thought about it, these two fucking years i wasted on you and all i ever gave you was love and affection and you never even once treated me that way”  
he jabbed his fingers on changbin’s chest, “never have you told me you loved me never have you treated me the way you should”  
“maybe you did love me but we’re falling apart” he whispered as he cupped changbin’s cheeks.  
the older rested his hands on felix’s wrists,  
“we don’t go on dates anymore, you don’t kiss me goodnight, you never stay to eat breakfast and so on”  
he pressed their foreheads together so changbin’s gaze would meet his.  
“tell me you’re here because you love me not because you’re scared of being alone”  
the latter stayed silent, a droplet of tear ran down his cheek.  
he sighs and steps away from changbin, prying of the elder’s grips on him and ignoring words as he continued packing, “please lix i’m so fucking scared without you i can’t be without you, i ca-“  
“you can’t be alone” he cut off, zipping his second suitcase shut.  
“and i can’t stay with someone who doesn’t love me like i love them”  
he shut all the drawers before dragging the suitcases behind him with changbin behind his tail.  
“just say those three words, lie to me, convince me that you do”  
he turned on his heel to face changbin who was teary eyed. felix waited for his answer, even if he lied at least he had something to hold onto. yet the apartment stay silent and felix knew that it was a sign.  
**_“good bye changbin”_**

 

—changbin rolled over to his back to stare at the ceiling, he was humming a familiar sounding song but someone he couldn’t figure out a title.  
four nights ago felix walked out of their-his apartment.  
for four nights changbin laid in bed trying to figure things out thinking maybe he could knock on hyunjin’s door and pull felix back into his arm engulfing himself into the familiar scent of apples and honey. yet he body never moved, he stayed there buried under the sheets in puddles of tears.  
felix didn’t lie though, he never said those words out loud and heavily avoided it when his friends asks about it but it never occurred to him that felix would be hurt because of it.  
“i love you felix” the words slipped down his tongue to fill the silence in the room.  
“felix, i love you” he repeated, eyes shut and fingers clenching the sheets.  
it felt unfamiliar and bitter on his tongue, sounded foreign and he didn’t feel relieve wash over him when he did.  
it was a sign to him that felix was right, **_he never loved him._** —

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(twt: [FORJlSUNG](https://twitter.com/FORJlSUNG) )

**Author's Note:**

> let’s be friends on twt! i’m @forjlsung!!
> 
> also hi sab i hope you’re reading this and not hating me for this horrible ass changlix angts shhshs


End file.
